Are You a Woman Who Wants to Learn How to Enjoy Sex?
Maybe you’re in your teens or 20s…
And although you’ve heard that sex should be a wonderful, transformative experience, you worry that you’ll never enjoy sex as much as you “supposed to.”
Perhaps you’ve struggled with vulvar and vaginal pain when trying to use a tampon or after riding a bike. Now, penetrative sex hurts too, and you’re not sure if that’s just the way it is for women. It’s possible that your partners never seemed too concerned with your pain or pleasure, leaving you feeling isolated, confused, or undervalued.
You might not know what feels good or turns you on or even know what arousal and orgasm feel like. And, even if you have an idea of what they are, you might not know how to ask for what you want. In fact, you might feel ashamed that you desire anything at all. As time goes on, you may believe that the only way to be sexually satisfied is to satisfy someone else.
In your 30s…
And it seems that sex is totally focused on procreation. You might feel immense pressure to get pregnant, have the perfect birth, and then be ready for sex in just six weeks. As you adjust to motherhood, you might struggle to feel any genuine desire and wonder where your libido went.
Or, perhaps you’ve reached your sexual peak, with more desire now than you know what to do with. You might be searching for ways to fill the sexual hunger that follows you through each day. Or, maybe you’re wanting to put an end to the shame, guilt, and confusion that’s been holding you back from your pleasure.
In your 40s or 50s…
And you figure that your life has been without sexual pleasure for so long that that’s just how it’s going to be from here on out.
Perhaps you’re an empty nester. When you look at your partner now, you realize that taking care of the kids all these years must have zapped the joy and passion that you once felt.
You generally feel empowered in your relationships and your day-to-day life, but when it comes to sexuality, you feel something’s missing.
You want to find sexual satisfaction again—with your pleasure at the center—but have no idea where to begin or if it’s even possible at your age.
In your 60s…
And you realize that enjoying sex might be a thing of the past.
Perhaps, since going through menopause, sex isn’t any fun at all. The discomfort and pain it causes just aren’t worth it. You’re ready to give up on sex and pleasure altogether.
But, you’ve heard that sex is supposed to be great in your 60s and wonder if the same is possible for you.
No matter what your age…
You can learn how to get in touch with your sexuality, overcome feelings of shame, and discover sexual joy and satisfaction.
The Perils of Current Sex Education
In our Western society, women’s sex education is too often boiled down to three central lesson: “Don’t look. Don’t touch. Don’t enjoy.”
Many girls and women have never had access to sex education that actually talks about the realities of sex, intimacy, and relationships. Even if you did learn about basic anatomy and birth control in school, you likely heard much more about disease and how to avoid pregnancy than the pleasures of sex.
Due to this lack of comprehensive sex education—along with some combination of parental, religious, and cultural influences—many girls assume that their pleasure is unattainable and unimportant. Pursuing pleasure can even seem disastrous. From local communities to national media, women who enjoy sex are subject to “slut-shaming,” labeled greedy at best, and outright immoral at worst.
Most sex education does little to help you understand the pain, guilt, or shame you might feel.
Regardless of your age, relationships status, or sexual orientation, a decrease in pain and an increase in pleasure is possible for you. You’re here interested in learning, and we’re here to help.
With the Help of Two Experienced Sex Coaches, You Can Find Your Pleasure
We created VulvaLove after years of helping women trade shame and pain for pleasure. We understand what you’re going through, and we offer the compassionate support and guidance you need to discover the pleasure you deserve.
We offer adult sex education and coaching in person or through Telehealth, a secure online platform. During our sessions, you can:
- Receive simple anatomy lessons geared at understanding female arousal, pleasure, and orgasm
- Identify points of pain and their origin
- Learn the desire and arousal cycle
- Explore touch and sensation and create a pleasure map for your body
- Create a self-pleasure calendar so you can continue to learn what feels good for you, without any pressure to orgasm
- Understand the role of the brain (your largest sex organ!) in arousal and pleasure
- Address factors that make it difficult to feel present during sex
- Develop the loving patience and self-compassion needed for overcoming sexual shame
- Challenge sex-negative myths fostered by society
- Find your unique path to sexual satisfaction
- Learn how to enjoy sex and advocate for your pleasure
- Experience greater fulfillment and joy
Let’s address some potential questions or concerns…
I’m too ashamed to talk about sex.
We completely understand. We’re committed to helping women because we’ve been in your shoes.
Dr. Brené Brown, author, speaker, social worker, and expert on the healing power of vulnerability, says, “I think shame is deadly. And I think we are swimming in it deep… Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment.” But, she continues, “Shame depends on me buying into the belief that I’m alone… Shame cannot survive being spoken.”
We invite you to speak about your shame. By doing so, we offer an antidote to secrecy, silence, and judgment. We are committed to listening with empathy and understanding, and we will remind you that you certainly are not alone.
I’ve already tried everything. Why bother talking with a sex coach?
We know how frustrating it can be to spend years searching for an end to pain and the start of feeling pleasure. We know you’ve done the best you can. However, you can’t know what you don’t know.
We are experts in human sexuality, sexual pain, and female pleasure. We offer you decades of experience and training, as well as our sex- and pleasure-positive holistic approach to the answers you’re seeking. With our guidance, discover new pathways you probably have not considered before.
My friends will judge me for wanting to learn how to enjoy sex.
Our sessions are completely confidential. As you learn how to get in touch with your sexuality, it’s up to you when, what, and with whom you decide to share.
Over time, however, your loved ones will likely notice changes in you and wonder where your newfound glow and confidence are coming from. We encourage you to talk to your friends about their experiences with sex. Remember, shame grows in silence. By opening up, you may discover that your friends share your struggles and want some of the same things you do.
How can I tell my partner I want more without hurting them?
We will help you find the compassionate language needed when talking with a partner about wanting more and reassuring them that it doesn’t mean that something’s missing. The goal is to communicate your preferences and needs and help them understand your desire to improve your sex life—together.
I’m fine without sexual satisfaction. I’ve lived without it so far.
While sexual satisfaction does have physical and mental health benefits, it’s true that you can survive without it. How you navigate your sex life is your choice. We’re content if you’re content.
Something brought you to this page. Maybe it was a small gnawing inside your head that told you there must be more—more happiness, more excitement, more connection.
We encourage you to listen to that inner feeling. It’s telling the truth. If you’re ready to take the leap, so much more is waiting for you.
Pleasure Is Possible For You
We invite you to explore our Resources page, where we offer valuable information about female satisfaction and sexual health.
Better yet, call to schedule a one-on-one coaching session. If you want more extensive training, learn more on our Education: Trainings page. Click here to schedule an appointment. We offer sessions in person and online.